Sunday

Is Your Relationship Stuck In Ego?

Here is some modern love relationship advice very similiar to the Sufi love relationship advice.
As you already know relationships are friend and foe to our happiness.

A couples journey from first date to "life after the vows" have unique challenges along the way.

Understanding the challenges that all couples face might give you an insight into your own relationships.

Dr. Susan Campbell offers more love relationship advice.

She suggest a new way to look at a couples journey through 5 distinct relationship stages
  1. Romance
  2. Power Struggle
  3. Stability
  4. Commitment
  5. Co-Creation
She explains that in the first stage each partner secretly feels that the relationship exists for their pleasure and comfort, but in order to have the pleasures they must keep the other partner happy.
The outcome of this is that a 'mutual admiration society" develops which emphasizes similarities and ignores differences between the partners.
If the couple survives the first stage their relationship the next stage is a reality check in where partners are forced to see each other as life size lovers.
They no longer exaggerate the good "stuff" and acknowledge the short comings and differences.
The power struggle stage is described where couples may try to adjust to this new reality by dominating or changing each other. This is always a futile effort.
The good news is that couples may learn to accept and celebrate their differences.
Dr. Campbell states that most couples do not make it past this stage.
It is what I call the law of reverse effect. You act one way and achieve to opposite result.
Have you noticed that the more you try to control people or events in your life, the less in control you feel?

But when you accept and relax into a moment, and pay attention to the moment for what it is rather than what you want it to be, things seem to just work themselves out?

The question is how does one do this?

The simple answers is to make a shift from a control to a discovery mindset.

Dr. Campbell describes the Learning/Discovery mindset as the ability to live in a continual state of openness to being surprised and a continual state of acceptance of "what is."

When you are focused on learning, as opposed to controlling, your attention naturally goes toward discovering what the current situation requires of you.

You do not waste valuable time and energy wishing things were:
  • Different
  • Assigning blame
  • Trying to be right
  • Manipulating people
You maintain your sense of well-being, regardless of whether things turn out as planned.
You accept, learn and try again from your experiences. In experiential education we call it the learning cycle - in life it is called personal development.
Anthropologist have suggest that a greater drive than sex in humans is to learn.
The Learning/Discovery Mindset is a key to a successful happy life and the foundation of successful relationships.
You develop the capacity to handle any situation you are in - you are continually failing forward no matter what happens.
Every person has a way of trying to maintain the illusion of control.
Throughout our lives we have been told there is a right answer. Our teachers marked our school papers to indicate where we went wrong. Our parents told us what is right and wrong.
As adults many women and men do not develop the skills necessary to cope with the uncertainty of the real world. This is very simple love relationship advice but also very effective love relationship advice.
As adults, when we try to have intimate relationships based on control/security and we fail to grow as individuals and as a couple,
We are at risk to chase for that fictitious perfect partner.

For many women getting past stage two: the power struggle stage seems impossible , but with a simple shift in mindset towards accepting, learning and doing you open new doors.

Consider this love relationship advice and how you can use this love relationship advice.

Some people push harder to cope with the failures of a control mindset.

Dr. Campbell offers this love relationship advice insight:

"Some get angry, and others become sneaky. Anything that is done to protect oneself from anxiety or uncertainty generally will backfire on you. You have to learn at some point to deal with whatever happens."
Let's face it most of the things you try to control, are really beyond your control, however there is a way to successfully deal with the reality of constant change.
Embrace uncertainty, accept what happens and learn and improve your world one step at a time... this is the primary message of this love relationship advice.

...and your perfect partner will be waiting for you. And to your suprise what you will found often times is someone who always had right before you.

Only now, with a new way of looking and thinking about the world, lov efinds a home in your heart.

Tuesday

Make Relationships More Fulfilling

How can you Make Relationships More Fulfilling?

Are you searching for a way to make relationships more fulfilling? It doesn’t matter whether you’re thinking about sexual relationships, family matters, your friends or people you don’t even know . . .you can make relationships more fulfilling by simply adopting the right mindset and living your life to the full.

So many people don’t live their lives to the full extent and seem to be consumed with fear because they face the prospect of being hurt.

One saying that rings true in all aspects of life and especially powerful in relationships of all kinds is . . .
“A life lived in fear is a life half-lived”

Steve Pavlina in a great recent post illustrated this viewpoint excellently. He puts forward that the key to fulfilling relationships is to have empowered relationships without an ounce of fear.

Here’s what he has to share.
The mindset of empowered relationships
by Steve Pavlina
So what is the mindset that makes it so much easier to relate to people? Here it is in a nutshell:
Everyone you meet in your life — even total strangers — is already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body.

Moreover, everyone and everything you see out there in your world are reflections of you. Just as the cells in an organism carry the same DNA, other people are walking around with some part of you inside them. When you look at other people, you’re really looking at yourself. When you notice other people, it’s just like your eyes observing your hands. We’re all parts of the same whole.

Here are some facets of this interconnected model of relationships:
* Oneness - Other people are not separate and distinct from you. In fact, they are you.
* Connectedness - You don’t have to “build” relationships with others because you’re already connected. You need only tune into the pre-existing connection that’s already there.
* No risk - Little or no courage is required to approach strangers. You’re never actually building new connections from scratch. You’re just recognizing what’s already there.
* Equality - You can feel just as close to total strangers as you do to your friends.
* Significance - All relationships are significant; none are irrelevant. Even the strangers you pass on the street are important parts of you.
* Love without attachment - Letting go of harmful relationships is easier because you’re still unconditionally connected to everyone else. As you release old relationships that no longer serve you, you’ll attract new ones that are compatible with you.

Applying the empowering mindset
When you adopt the mindset that we’re all inherently connected, these are some of the actions and results that will come naturally to you:

* Easy rapport - You’ll connect with strangers almost as easily as you connect with your closest friends, sometimes more easily. The difference between strangers and friends is intellectual familiarity, but you can tap into an intuitive familiarity even with someone you’ve never met.
* Fairness - You’ll begin to feel a kinship with everyone, regardless of familiarity.
* Attraction - Because you’re always open to connecting with people, you’ll begin attracting new relationships fairly easily. Compatible people will be drawn to you.
* Synchronicity - You’ll experience a swell in synchronicities that lead to chance encounters, meeting people you feel very drawn to meet.
* Social courage - Have you ever seen someone at a distance you felt you were supposed to meet? Have you ever run into the same stranger multiple times in the same day? With the right belief system, you’ll feel confident beginning a conversation with such people, and you’ll find that your hunches were right on — you were supposed to meet.
* Deeper relationships - You’ll enjoy deeper, less superficial relationships, getting to know people at the level of soul.
* Energy - You’ll attract relationships that energize you rather than drain you.
* Reading people - Because we’re all connected, you can mentally connect with other people and literally share the same thoughts in a way that goes beyond words, voice, and body language. You can even do it at a distance. With practice you can get an accurate read on someone you’ve never met, picking up specific data about that person that you couldn’t have known in a purely objective sense. Practice increases both your accuracy and your ability to trust the information you pick up.

These benefits aren’t either-or. You gradually gain them as your awareness of our spiritual interconnectedness grows.

Why not follow the advice of Mark Twain and:

"Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth."