Sunday

Is Your Relationship Stuck In Ego?

Here is some modern love relationship advice very similiar to the Sufi love relationship advice.
As you already know relationships are friend and foe to our happiness.

A couples journey from first date to "life after the vows" have unique challenges along the way.

Understanding the challenges that all couples face might give you an insight into your own relationships.

Dr. Susan Campbell offers more love relationship advice.

She suggest a new way to look at a couples journey through 5 distinct relationship stages
  1. Romance
  2. Power Struggle
  3. Stability
  4. Commitment
  5. Co-Creation
She explains that in the first stage each partner secretly feels that the relationship exists for their pleasure and comfort, but in order to have the pleasures they must keep the other partner happy.
The outcome of this is that a 'mutual admiration society" develops which emphasizes similarities and ignores differences between the partners.
If the couple survives the first stage their relationship the next stage is a reality check in where partners are forced to see each other as life size lovers.
They no longer exaggerate the good "stuff" and acknowledge the short comings and differences.
The power struggle stage is described where couples may try to adjust to this new reality by dominating or changing each other. This is always a futile effort.
The good news is that couples may learn to accept and celebrate their differences.
Dr. Campbell states that most couples do not make it past this stage.
It is what I call the law of reverse effect. You act one way and achieve to opposite result.
Have you noticed that the more you try to control people or events in your life, the less in control you feel?

But when you accept and relax into a moment, and pay attention to the moment for what it is rather than what you want it to be, things seem to just work themselves out?

The question is how does one do this?

The simple answers is to make a shift from a control to a discovery mindset.

Dr. Campbell describes the Learning/Discovery mindset as the ability to live in a continual state of openness to being surprised and a continual state of acceptance of "what is."

When you are focused on learning, as opposed to controlling, your attention naturally goes toward discovering what the current situation requires of you.

You do not waste valuable time and energy wishing things were:
  • Different
  • Assigning blame
  • Trying to be right
  • Manipulating people
You maintain your sense of well-being, regardless of whether things turn out as planned.
You accept, learn and try again from your experiences. In experiential education we call it the learning cycle - in life it is called personal development.
Anthropologist have suggest that a greater drive than sex in humans is to learn.
The Learning/Discovery Mindset is a key to a successful happy life and the foundation of successful relationships.
You develop the capacity to handle any situation you are in - you are continually failing forward no matter what happens.
Every person has a way of trying to maintain the illusion of control.
Throughout our lives we have been told there is a right answer. Our teachers marked our school papers to indicate where we went wrong. Our parents told us what is right and wrong.
As adults many women and men do not develop the skills necessary to cope with the uncertainty of the real world. This is very simple love relationship advice but also very effective love relationship advice.
As adults, when we try to have intimate relationships based on control/security and we fail to grow as individuals and as a couple,
We are at risk to chase for that fictitious perfect partner.

For many women getting past stage two: the power struggle stage seems impossible , but with a simple shift in mindset towards accepting, learning and doing you open new doors.

Consider this love relationship advice and how you can use this love relationship advice.

Some people push harder to cope with the failures of a control mindset.

Dr. Campbell offers this love relationship advice insight:

"Some get angry, and others become sneaky. Anything that is done to protect oneself from anxiety or uncertainty generally will backfire on you. You have to learn at some point to deal with whatever happens."
Let's face it most of the things you try to control, are really beyond your control, however there is a way to successfully deal with the reality of constant change.
Embrace uncertainty, accept what happens and learn and improve your world one step at a time... this is the primary message of this love relationship advice.

...and your perfect partner will be waiting for you. And to your suprise what you will found often times is someone who always had right before you.

Only now, with a new way of looking and thinking about the world, lov efinds a home in your heart.

2 comments:

  1. this was an excellent post. thanks for breaking it down for us :) i will definitely take note on some of these and perhaps solve some of these mysteries in my love life!

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  2. This is a very good post. I've done counseling for well over 15 years, and the only thing you can really do in many instances is to accept reality. Control of your self and your actions is the only guarantee of present and future contentment.

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