23 Bad Sex Moves
(written by: Simcha Whitehill)
After over a decade of my own slut baggery, I’ve come up with 23 downright horrible lame guy sex moves. Here’s what I’ve learned while piling up the food at the man buffet. It’s nice to think my exploits will somehow benefit mankind ...
1. Hassling me about using a condom.
2. Not even trying to get my bra off.
3. Hanging a mirror next to your bed so you can watch yourself.
4. Making so much noise I nearly pop a vocal chord trying to fake an orgasm.
5. Forgetting to clip those daggers you call toe nails.
6. Putting in porn you know I don’t like.
7. Getting so bossy with sex directions I feel like your dick is a piece of Ikea furniture I’m trying to put together.
8. Not stopping when I say “ouch,” “stop,” “don’t” or our safe word—“Ruth Buzzi.”
9. Suggesting my best friend would make for the perfect threesome.
10. Being totally closed off from the idea of incorporating sex toys.
11. Expecting me to do all the work on top.
12. Saying my body is a “wonderland” or other cheeseballs.
13. Grabbing me by my ears or pushing my head.
14. Being too gentle; I’m not made of porcelain.
15. Not reciprocating foreplay.
16. Skipping foreplay altogether.
17. Licking me like a dog.
18. Trying to sexy roar like a lion.
19. Jack hammering.
20. Not showering.
21. Not asking what I like.
22. “Accidentally” slipping it in my butt.
23. Asking to me to masturbate when you’re too lazy to finish the job you started.
Tuesday, August 31
Friday, August 20
10 Things A Woman Should Know - Kaya
We list 10 things every woman should know by Kaya Clinic.
1. Calling you does not mean we are hitting on you
Most men are left wondering that why’s it that just because he called you, you assumed he wants you to fill in the post of his girlfriend. He may actually just want to hang out with you.
2. You are much prettier without all that makeup
Your basic foundation and kajal is fine, but layers upon layers of makeup only makes you unappealing to your guy. So keep it simple.
3. When you act giggly, it’s seriously embarrassing
When you spot your gang of girls while you are out with your boyfriend, don’t squeal and go giggly or jump up and down. Most men find it extremely childish.
4. Gossiping, whispering and writing notes makes you look shallow
When you pass notes or whisper when you and your friends are sitting at a table along with others makes it seem like you are still in your classroom.
5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes
Do tell your boyfriend if you think his new haircut makes him look cute or if his favourite T-shirt needs to be done away with.
6. PMS is no excuse to be mean
Yes, men do understand that every month you are likely to get crabby for a few days, but that’s not reason enough to be mean and cranky all the time.
7. Talking about your butt is boring
It’s a known fact that no boyfriend — who doesn’t want to be dumped — will ever tell his girfriend that she is looking fat. So no in point discussing, arguing and then discussing some more, about weight issues with your boyfriend.
8. Tight clothes make you look sort of desperate and insecure
You may be in shape but anything that amounts to too much skin show is not going to be appreciated by your boyfriend. Don’t keep showing how desperate you are. It can be a big put off if the guy is serious about you.
9. Most boys are looking for the right girl
It’s not just women who are looking for Mr Right, but boys are looking out for their Miss Perfect too. So don’t be scared to play the love game.
10. If you like him, just tell him
Don’t pretend to ignore him and then cry when he asks another girl out for dinner. If he’s interested in you, and if you feel the same way then respond. Don’t keep the guy waiting too long.
1. Calling you does not mean we are hitting on you
Most men are left wondering that why’s it that just because he called you, you assumed he wants you to fill in the post of his girlfriend. He may actually just want to hang out with you.
2. You are much prettier without all that makeup
Your basic foundation and kajal is fine, but layers upon layers of makeup only makes you unappealing to your guy. So keep it simple.
3. When you act giggly, it’s seriously embarrassing
When you spot your gang of girls while you are out with your boyfriend, don’t squeal and go giggly or jump up and down. Most men find it extremely childish.
4. Gossiping, whispering and writing notes makes you look shallow
When you pass notes or whisper when you and your friends are sitting at a table along with others makes it seem like you are still in your classroom.
5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes
Do tell your boyfriend if you think his new haircut makes him look cute or if his favourite T-shirt needs to be done away with.
6. PMS is no excuse to be mean
Yes, men do understand that every month you are likely to get crabby for a few days, but that’s not reason enough to be mean and cranky all the time.
7. Talking about your butt is boring
It’s a known fact that no boyfriend — who doesn’t want to be dumped — will ever tell his girfriend that she is looking fat. So no in point discussing, arguing and then discussing some more, about weight issues with your boyfriend.
8. Tight clothes make you look sort of desperate and insecure
You may be in shape but anything that amounts to too much skin show is not going to be appreciated by your boyfriend. Don’t keep showing how desperate you are. It can be a big put off if the guy is serious about you.
9. Most boys are looking for the right girl
It’s not just women who are looking for Mr Right, but boys are looking out for their Miss Perfect too. So don’t be scared to play the love game.
10. If you like him, just tell him
Don’t pretend to ignore him and then cry when he asks another girl out for dinner. If he’s interested in you, and if you feel the same way then respond. Don’t keep the guy waiting too long.
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